First Things First

Before your child goes to school for the first time, here are some things that should have already taken place.

Present a positive picture of school. This can be done by talking enthusiastically about how much they are going to be learning and all of the new friends they are going to make. Point out that the fact that they are ready for school shows how much they have grown. This is a right of passage for children and it should be treated like one – as a celebration.

Make a pre-first day visit.  If they have never been there before, children will have trouble imagining what school will be like. It’s harder to prepare yourself for something you have no first hand knowledge of. For that reason, it’s a good idea to take your child to their new school one or two times during the summer break so they can actually see where they are going and can get used to the environment. If possible, introduce them to the teacher as well. Explain cheerfully and confidently that this is where you will be dropping them off every day.  This helps your gives your child a concrete idea of what school is. Making it concrete makes it less scary.

Get them the information. Get some books or DVD’s that have as their theme children who are going to school for the first time. These will help present the idea of school to your child in a positive light. Some children begin to show interest in “school” things such as lunch boxes and school buses. This should be encouraged by talking about how they are used.

Foster independence. There are certain things you should teach your child to do for themselves, because they are things they will have to know how to do at school. As a bonus, any child with a healthy sense of independence will find it easier to be away from you. Buy clothes and shoes that they can put on and take off themselves (like Velcro shoes or slip-ons). Teach them how to put on their own shoes and jacket, or ask politely for help if they need it. Teach them how to wipe themselves after going to the bathroom and to wash their hands afterwards. Let them know you think that by mastering these skills, they are ready for school.

Listen to Their Feelings

If you were about to start a brand new job or move into a new neighborhood, you may well have concerns about these unknown situations and demands. Your children are no different and starting school will cause a lot of questions and concerns to rise to the surface: What will I have to learn in school? Will it be too hard? Will I make friends? Who will I have lunch with? If I need help and my mom and dad aren’t there, who will help me? How will I get home?

These worries are not confined only to first timers either, and can occur in later grades as the demands intensify.

When you detect these kinds of concerns in your child, it’s very important that you become an empathetic and accepting listener.  But often when confronted with our child’s fears, we try and sweep them under the rug by simply giving a reassurance. Or we attempt to help by trivializing the problem: “Oh, you’re worrying over nothing. Everything will work out fine.”

The problem with this is that you haven’t dealt with the child’s worries or questions.  The first thing to do is to encourage your child to talk about their concerns. You do that by being a good listener. This involves being interested in what they are saying, allowing them to say it without offering immediate advice or solutions, and reflecting back the feelings you think they are having so they know that you understand what their emotions are. As you have probably noticed in your life, being able to unburden yourself to a good listener is half the battle.

Once you have done this, try to take away as much of the unknown quality of going to school as possible. Go over what you think they are most concerned about. If they are worried about what will happen, you can say something like:  “I think you will spend part of your day sitting in a circle signing songs and listening to the teacher read to you. The teacher will also show you all kinds of different materials and tell you how to use them. Then you can take the materials off the shelf and use them whenever you want.  You will also be able to go outside to the playground and play with the other children.“ Essentially you are summing up what their new experience will be like in more detail, while putting a positive spin on it.

Sending you child to school is a leap of faith – and a good one. Being prepared for it will make it a positive experience for everyone concerned.

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Up, Dressed, Fed and Out

The long leisurely mornings of summer are now over. One of the biggest challenges of starting the school year is getting your children onto a new schedule after they have had months of no schedule at all. For that reason, creating a routine is the most important aspect of getting your children out the door in the morning with the minimal amount of stress – for you and for them. Routines are important because they help children learn what is expected of them. It allows them to be as independent as possible because they know what they are supposed to do. And children always feel more comfortable in predictable circumstances.

There are many things that should be considered when setting up a routine.

• Does your child have trouble waking up? Think carefully and realistically about how much time your child will need – to brush their teeth, get dressed, eat, etc. Than add 10 minutes as a cushion. One of the biggest causes of morning stress is not leaving enough time. Rushing and nagging them while constantly calling out the time in one-minute intervals is not a good way to start the day. It can even make some children move slower.

• Once you know how much time is needed, spend some time streamlining and organizing these morning routines. For example, many of us are not morning people, so have them pick out what they want to wear the night before. Decide whether they should be dressed or eat breakfast first. Little tricks like leaving a toothbrush in the first floor powder room (so they don’t have to go back upstairs if they forget to brush) can prevent last-minute snags. Have their knapsack packed and ready at the front door.

• Don’t wait until the first day of school to start the new routine. Begin waking them up earlier a few weeks before, gradually starting (and ending) their day earlier until they are used to the new routine.

• Teach them how to tell time so they know by themselves when they have to leave the house in order to not be late for school. For children under the age of six who can’t tell time yet, you can still refer to the clock in terms of the old standby: “When the big hand is on the eight and the little hand is on the 30, it’s time to leave.”  Note that very young children often find it easier to understand time on an analogue clock.

•  It’s important that we do all we can to help our children be one time. However, it’s also important that you make it their responsibility to not be late.